Car Design: The Sequel

 

Car Design: The Sequel - When Function Meets Dysfunction

Welcome back, automotive enthusiasts and people who just need something to read while waiting for their oil change! After our whirlwind tour through the evolution of car design, I've been inundated with emails asking for more tales of automotive absurdity. Well, ask and ye shall receive! Let's dive deeper into the weird, wonderful, and occasionally catastrophic world of car design with some fun facts that'll make you the most annoying person at your next dinner party.

Automotive "Innovations" That Should Have Stayed on the Drawing Board

Remember how we discussed those magnificent tailfins of the 1950s? What I didn't mention is that the 1959 Cadillac Eldorado's fins were so tall (38 inches from ground to tip) that they actually created wind resistance issues at high speeds. Fun fact: Engineers had to add 25% more power to the engine just to overcome the aerodynamic drag caused by those magnificent appendages. Form: 1, Function: 0.

Speaking of questionable design choices, let's talk about the 1958 Ford Nucleon concept car. This nuclear-powered beauty was designed to run on a small nuclear reactor in the trunk. Yes, you read that correctly NUCLEAR REACTOR. IN THE TRUNK. Apparently, the possibility of turning a fender bender into a mini-Chernobyl wasn't enough to scrap the idea immediately. Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed, and the technology never materialized. Although I'm sure there are still some doomsday preppers who are disappointed about that.

Hidden Design Easter Eggs: Car Designers Get Cheeky

Did you know modern cars are full of hidden "easter eggs" placed by designers with too much time on their hands? The Jeep Renegade has tiny Sasquatch silhouettes on the rear window. Tesla has a reference to "Spaceballs" in its Ludicrous Mode. And the Dodge Viper has you guessed it a tiny viper snake in its hood scoop.

Perhaps the most outrageous is the first-generation Volvo XC90, which features a tiny T-Rex skeleton molded into the cargo area rubber mat. Why? Because when Swedish engineers get bored, apparently they turn into paleontologists.

The Psychology of Car Design: Why We Love What We Love

Studies have shown that humans respond to car fronts the same way they respond to human faces. Headlights are eyes, grille is the mouth, and the hood is the forehead. This is why we subconsciously find some cars "angry" (BMW), some "happy" (Mazda Miata), and some "confused" (Pontiac Aztek the automotive equivalent of someone who just walked into a room and forgot why).

Fun fact: Mercedes-Benz once spent €15 million developing the sound their car doors make when closing. Not the engine, not the safety features the door sound. They created an entire "door orchestra" with different components tuned to create that perfect "thunk" that screams, "I'm expensive!" Next time you slam a Mercedes door, remember you're experiencing a multi-million-euro symphony.

Cultural Car Quirks: Design Around the World

Americans love cupholders. LOVE them. The average American vehicle now has 4-6 cupholders, while European cars typically have 1-2. Why? Because Europeans apparently don't understand the fundamental human right to transport an entire Starbucks franchise worth of beverages simultaneously.

In Japan, "Kei cars" are ultra-compact vehicles designed to fit Japan's narrow streets and tight parking. These adorable automotive bonsai trees are limited to 660cc engines and strict size restrictions. Fun fact: The original Honda N360 Kei car had an engine so small (354cc) that it was literally based on a motorcycle engine cut in half. It made a whopping 31 horsepower roughly equivalent to a riding lawnmower with ambitions.

The Cars That Time Forgot (And for Good Reason)

The 1970s weren't just about disco and questionable fashion choices they also brought us automotive atrocities like the AMC Gremlin. Named after a mythical creature known for causing mechanical failures (stellar marketing move there), the Gremlin looked like someone took a normal car and just... stopped designing the back half. Fun fact: AMC's design team literally created the Gremlin by taking a Hornet sketch and chopping off the rear with a pencil line. That's not a joke that's actually how they designed it.

Then there's the Aston Martin Lagonda from 1976, which featured the world's first digital dashboard. Sounds innovative, right? Well, it was so unreliable that owners regularly found themselves stranded when the electronics decided to take the day off. The car cost four times as much as a Rolls-Royce, yet its futuristic dashboard would randomly flash like a disco, display incorrect information, or simply give up on life entirely. Still, you have to admire their optimism in creating a computer dashboard in an era when most people were still figuring out how to program their VCRs.

Ahead of Their Time: Design Visionaries

The 1934 Chrysler Airflow wasn't just aerodynamically advanced it pioneered weight distribution by moving the engine forward over the front wheels instead of behind them (as was common practice). This provided better handling and ride comfort. Sadly, as we mentioned earlier, it was a commercial flop because people thought it looked like a pregnant hippo. Sometimes being right isn't enough.

Tesla may get all the credit for the electric car revolution, but let's not forget the 1996 GM EV1 the first mass-produced electric vehicle of the modern era. With a sleek, futuristic design and impressive (for the time) range, it was ahead of its curve. Fun fact: GM actually collected and crushed almost all EV1s when the program ended, leading to conspiracy theories that Big Oil pressured them to kill the electric car. Whether true or not, it makes for great conspiracy theory fodder at automotive get-togethers.

Modern Marvels That Make No Sense

Today's hyperarcs are engineering marvels that push the boundaries of what's possible. Take the Bugatti Chiron, capable of speeds above 260 mph. Fun fact: At top speed, the Chiron's 100-liter fuel tank would empty in approximately 12 minutes. That's less time than it takes to watch a sitcom episode. Nothing says "practical transportation" quite like a car that costs $3 million and guzzles fuel faster than a college freshman at an open bar.

Tesla's CyberTracker looks like it was designed by a five-year-old with a ruler and no curve comprehension. Yet its "exoskeleton" construction with ultra-hard stainless steel means it doesn't need paint which, coincidentally, is the same excuse I use for my rusty 1998 Honda Civic.

The Future of Car Design: Predictions That Will Probably Be Wrong

As we look to the future, car designers are envisioning vehicles that change color based on your mood, windows that double as entertainment screens, and seats that monitor your health. Imagine your car refusing to start because it thinks your cholesterol is too high. "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't take you to the drive thru. Please eat a salad first."

Biometric interfaces will soon allow cars to recognize owners by their heartbeat, voice, or even the way they sit. Convenient? Yes. Slightly creepy? Also, yes. Just wait until your car starts commenting on your weight: "User identified. Suspension adjusting for... recent holiday weight gain."

Conclusion: The Road Goes Ever On

Car design continues to evolve in ways both practical and puzzling. For every sleek Tesla, there's a Fiat Multipla that looks like it was designed by someone who'd never seen a car before but had one described to them over a bad phone connection.

But that's the beauty of automotive design it reflects our aspirations, our technology, and occasionally, our complete lack of taste. Whether you drive a sensible sedan or a midlife crisis on wheels, remember somewhere, a car designer spent years perfecting that cup holder you just filled with loose change and forgotten receipts.

Drive safe, look stylish, and for heaven's sake, please use your turn signals. Even BMW owners. Especially BMW owners.